"May God bless you with a restless discomfort"

To use the analogy of an airplane taking off, beginning to soar, but hitting a little bit of turbulence, would not be far off to how the past 2 weeks have gone.

Every single day over these 2 weeks I can point to a unique and amazing experience.      

The previous blog post is about one of those.

Here is another.

I have made visiting a specific neighbor’s home a spiritual discipline for me.  Sometimes, maybe often, when we practice spiritual disciples they become predictable and comfortable.

It was my 4^th time to visit the family and the surrounding homes; it seemed that nothing was going to make it different from the rest. 

I showed up with kids running circles around me, but this time with my bike—so there was added excitement.  Oh, and when I say kids, I mean 30 of them.   

The mother of the home, immediately asked me to come into the home.  This is quite unusual. Those who don’t have homes like the middle and high-income Indonesians, they are very hesitant to allow you in to see inside the house.

So I entered the home in some apprehension since it was odd.

It was dark, the floor was concrete and the walls were a brick with a few simple pieces of furniture sprinkled through out.  By far the most materially poor home I have been too.  

The mother brought me to a bedroom and there was a baby lying on it.

It didn’t look normal or healthy.  In a terrible moment, I actually thought it was dead.

I looked for breathing and found it—and was relieved.

The 3-year-old child’s head was grossly large and its eyes seemed completely lost.

At one point, the mother turned the baby over.  She pulled back the shirt allowing me to see the child’s back.  I braced for what was to come, but it was worse than I imagined.   My eyes came upon a bulging tumor-like mass of red raw looking fleshes the size of my fist.  It completely shocked me.

It distressed me.

In painful words the mother explained the sickness and here inability to pay for the cure. 

The burden of working and having 5 children.

The burden having to give special care for the child.

She was distressed and angry at the situation.

Understanding most, but not all of what the mother was saying.

I played with the child’s toes and touched its soft skin.

Than she asked me my most feared question.

“Can you give money to us?”

What do you say to that?

I didn’t have money to give at that moment.

I also didn’t want to promise money.

But God gave me some words.

He said that you have something even greater to offer her, weather you eventually do or don’t offer money.

I told her in discomfort.

“I want to come at least once a week.

I want to visit the child every time I come.

I want to know if things are getting better or worse for you and the child.”

I didn’t know what else to say. 

Relationship is the best gift I can offer.  Sharing.  Listening.  Being in agony with her.

Something more happen there as well. 

Often, I feel deeply disconnected here.  I feel like there are different worlds which I enter in and out of.  Church is one world.  The mosque and Islam was another.  The poor is another.  The affluent is another world. 

This relationship with this family has defied all the boundaries between religion and wealth. There is a sense that we are on a journey together not marked by the categories that mar so much of life.  Walking not ahead or behind each other, but along side each other.  

The next day I collapsed into tears of frustration, agony and disappointment.  I was angry at the situation.  Frustration at the disconnect.  Disappointed at the church—not just here, everywhere.  I struggled to reconcile that experience with my faith and the church.  And I still struggle to.

Praises:

--For meeting neighbors like my above story

--The relationship between myself and my mothers is strengthen a lot this past week

--I am able to contribute to the pastor’s meeting far more than before.

--God’s teaching me cultural understanding, forgiveness and demanding more intimacy

--I am very comfortable around the 2 pastors I work with the most.  We generally laugh at each other lots.

--Far more relaxed about my pastoral position here and what my time each day looks like

--For tough questions from little Muslim kids “Why are you a Christian?”    I had no idea how to answer that question in a way that made sense to a 10-year-old Muslim.  Sure made me think lots.

--For joy.  I had plenty of it this week.

Concerns:

-- Getting so busy that I lose what God is saying and doing here.  Not rushing my experience here is important and will be hard.

-- Hitting a language plateau because I can get around just fine with the words I know

-- For my doubt, frustration and questions with church to lead me to have visions about transformation, that I can act of God's voice in this regard and that these struggles lead me to realize my own shortcomings and assumptions.

--I have stomach flu as I sit here and write this.  But this has been shockingly rare for me.  Praise God!

I have had these great intentions to write letters and stay in touch with more of you than I have so far.  I will strive to make these intentions more of a reality.  So thank-you for constant emails, face book messages, and mail.  Yesterday I got mail from someone I would never imagine getting mail from.  Completely amazed and humbled by those who think and pray for me.

Here is a Franscian blessing that I put next to my bed.  I read it every day.  Truly relevant in regards to my story.

"May God bless you with a restless discomfort 
about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships,
so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart.



May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression,
and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for
justice, freedom, and peace among all people.



May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed with those who suffer
from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you may
reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that
you really CAN make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with God's grace, to do what others claim cannot be done."